John Russell Dunn

Entertaining and encouraging through the written and spoken word.

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Why the Long Face?

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[Warning: Nerd Alert!] If my upper palette was widened by a centimeter and my lower jaw was extended by a centimeter, my head volume increased, right? (Go with me here.) So, if my head was, say, 15 centimeters wide, 18 centimeters tall, and 20 centimeters long to begin with, wouldn’t that make my head nearly 6% bigger now? Think of all the great thoughts I can accommodate now.

Who needs facelifts? I’ve added a whole new den. And if anybody should ask, “Hey, why the long face?” I’ll just say, “I paid to have it done this way.”

Facial Plate Techtonics

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The oral surgeon checked the expansion of my upper palette. It was widening, all right, but the right side of my face was moving more than the left. He said not to be alarmed. It would either stay that way or both sides might suddenly shift toward the middle. These things happen, he said.

I was more alarmed about a sudden rearrangement than about having more expansion on one side of my face than the other. It made me think of Inspector Clouseau rearranging one of his wax disguises. It gave new meaning to your mother’s warning that “Your Face Will Freeze That Way!”

Simply Scrumptious

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I know scrumptious means wonderfully delicious, right? But what’s the etymology? I know a scrum is what happens when a rugby ball gets loose. So, could you call a Black Friday sale at Walmart ‘scrumptious?’ I guess. But only if there are black eyes and bruises.

My Teeth are Going Out of Focus

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After years with a cross-bite where I at least had a way to chew, my mouth now seems to be out of focus. None of my teeth match or meet up like they’re supposed to. I’m journeying to a distant shore where my teeth will meet and cooperate in a new and coordinated way. The orthodontist said he sometimes has patients who are finished with treatment slam their teeth closed to demonstrate how their bites have improved. Right now, the idea makes my skin crawl. I’ll just have to take that on faith and trust him to guide the voyage.

Expanding Every Day

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It’s a curious sensation to turn a small crank in your mouth and feel the sides of your head moving apart. It wasn’t painful, just strange. I turned the crank twice a day. At times, I had headaches that felt like sinus headaches, but they were above and in front of my ears. I wore ice packs on a circular sling around my head, took hydrocodone like clockwork, and asked the prayer chain at church to pray.

The pain subsided and only flared up on rare occasions later when the weather changed. Today, I am headache – and hydrocodone – free.